Who's Next?
by TailsDoll13
Summary: Basically a Homestuck Truth or Dare fic! Rules inside. I WILL TRY TO KEEP TO THE WEBSITE RULES. I will add characters upon request, such as Dancestors or Alpha Kids. T because KARKAT. ALL BECAUSE OF FUCKING KARKAT. HE IS THE SOLE REASON WHY I HAD TO RATE THIS T. Friendship because IT'S BONDING TIME, BITCHES! Humor because I've seen some of the dares people have done...Shazer, OUT!
1. Chapter 1: Introducing ME!

**Bluh bluh bluh, Truth or Dare, whole bunch of shit.**

**Rules at bottom!**

**Disclaimer: Would Hussie SERIOUSLY do this?!**

**Hussie: Maybe.**

**Me: But you'd kill them off.**

**Hussie: Why yes, yes I would.**

* * *

A girl paced in front of her door, muttering angrily to herself. It seemed that she was waiting for something. She was barely five feet tall, and rather skinny, with dark brown hair and matching eyes covered by glasses. Her braces had purple and light orange bands. Her limbs were tannish, though her face was pale, with slightly rosy cheeks.

"Okay, just calm down, just calm down. Maybe she's busy! That's why she didn't update! But it's been two weeks! She HAS to update her fanfic, or I will DIE! Wait." She paused. "Wasn't I waiting for something?"

Just then, a Skaia portal appeared, dumping out twelve trolls and four humans behind her. She winced as she heard them hit the bushes, with a cry of, "OWW, GET OFF MY LEG!"

"Shut it, ED!" A voice snarled.

"Welp." The girl turned around, a brilliant smile on her face. "Hello!" She giggled slightly as a certain male troll turned towards the sound of her voice, face paint slightly smeared.

"Hey, sis. Could you all up and motherfucking tell us where we are?"

"Well," she began, "you're all here to play a game!"

"We've already fucking played one!"

"No, Karkat, I'm not talking about a computer game," she sighed. "It's a simple game, by the name of Truth or Dare!"

By then, everybody was standing up. "Oh, boy! Can I go first?" Vriska asked.

"No, YOU'RE the ones getting truthed or dared!"

"Truthed ithn't a word."

"I don't give a shit."

Everyone blinked, a little startled by the sudden swear.

"Um, excuse me," Equius said, "but aren't you a little young to be using such lewd language? You only look like you're about five sweeps."

Surprisingly, that sentence made the girl flush an angry red. "I'M THIRTEEN! WHICH IS FUCKING SIX SWEEPS FOR YOU TROLLS! I'M JUST SMALL FOR MY AGE, OKAY?!"

Everyone took a step back. The girl's cheeks slowly died down to their usual rosiness, albeit a bit darker.

"Anyways..." She pulled out an iPod. "The truths and dares will show up in my inbox, and I will read them out loud! NO READING OVER MY SHOULDER."

"Aw, maaaaaaaan!"

"Will the dares involve corpse parties?" Aradia asked hopefully.

"I have no fucking idea how the hell those even work, but we'll see."

"AC raises her paw in the air and asks, 'Will the dares include ships?'"

"Purrobably." Nepeta perked up a little when the girl used the cat pun.

"Um, will the dares include s-sensitive topics?" Tavros stuttered.

The girl made a face as if she was trying not to go bananas at how CUTE Tavros was. "I'll be reading them first, so I'll skip the ones like that!"

"Y'know, sis," Gamzee drawled, walking up to her and putting and arm around her shoulders, "I don't think I've ever caught your motherfucking name."

The girl's faced flushed a little more red. "Well, I have many nicknames! I can't tell you my real name, or my friend's nickname for me. But I'm called Shazer, TailsDoll13, ShadowandMadonna, Deranged Shadow Fangirl, DSF, and more! But you can call me Shazer. I actually prefer to be called Shazer! I mean, it's not my real name, but it's still pretty badass, don't ya think? Aw fuck I'm rambling AGAIN." The girl hit her forehead a few times. "Gotta keep it under control!"

Karkat sighed. "Could we get fucking started?!"

"I agree with Karkat!" John exclaimed.

"Nobody asked you to agree with anything I say."

"C'mon, guys! Don't fight!" Jade pleaded.

"Yeah, I think it would be better not to," Dave agreed.

Karkat glared, but didn't say anything.

Rose hiccuped, holding a martini glass in one hand. "What're we duing gyz? *doing"

"Hmm..." Shazer frowned, scratching her chin. "Should I leave her like that, or make her sober just for this?"

"You can make her SOBER?!"

"Um, yeah! Hello! Magical badass author powers over here?" Shazer crossed her arms, and black sparkles flew from her fingertips.

"Magic ain't reel!" a certain someone scoffed.

"Eridan, please be nice to her! She seems like a REELLY great person!" Feferi pleaded.

"Aw, it's okay. I can actually get along better with that guy that most people I know." Karkat snorted. "Most people I know, except for my friends, are nothing but selfish douchebags who are too caught up with today's absolutely HORRID pop culture! I mean, the Twilight fans, the Bielebers, the Nicki Minaj groupies...I mean, what the actual FUCK is wrong with kids nowadays?!"

"Technically, are you not a kid yourself?" Kanaya prodded.

"Yeah, but, unlike them, I actually have a good taste in literature and music! But we're getting off track." She gestured to the door. "Come inside."

As everyone stepped inside, Shazer started speaking quickly. "I-knew-that-I-couldn't-arrange-the-rooms-by-ships -or-relationships-in-the-flushed-and-caliginous-qu adrants-so-you-guys-will-end-up-with-unlikely-comp anions-okay?"

Everyone blinked. Dave said, "What."

Shazer sighed. "Nepeta, Equius, Terezi, and John in one room. Karkat, Rose, Tavros, and Kanaya in another. Kanaya is only there to help out with Rose, otherwise I'd have bunked her with someone else. Gamzee, Eridan, Jade, and Aradia in one. Sollux, Dave, Feferi, and Vriska in another. Wait a sec..." She tapped a finger on her temple, then sighed. "I can't switch Sollux or Feferi out without jacking everything up. Just don't do anything funny, or you'll be isolated. Okay?"

Everyone nodded, even though Eridan looked a little huffy at the last few sentences. Then Shazer grabbed his scarf, pulling him towards her, leaned forward, and whispered something in his ear, then pulled away. He actually smiled a little, though it disappeared when he saw everyone staring. "Wwater YOU looking at?!" he demanded.

"Honestly, guys, it's none of your beeswax what I said."

Everyone shrugged, but they still seemed curious.

"The rooms available are the guest room, which is also my baby brother's room, the toy room, my other brother's room, and my OTHER brother's room."

"Just how many brothers do you have?!" John exclaimed.

"Three younger brothers. Two are absolute angels, the other is a real pain in the ass."

"Are they here?"

"Nope. It's just us! My parents aren't here either."

"Whr are dey?" Rose nearly dropped the glass, but caught herself just in time.

Shazer grinned evilly, they laughed as the Homestuck characters backed away with looks of fear. Except for Vriska. "Actually, I convinced them to take a little vacation. Now, the rules."

Everyone groaned. Shazer didn't notice-or, if she did, she didn't point it out.

"First off, the attic, storage room, my parents' bedroom, my room, and the garage are off-limits, unless if you have explicit permission from me, and ONLY me. The punishment...Well, the forms of torture range from stepping on a LEGO with bare feet to listening to a Justin Bieber song on repeat 413 times."

Sollux scoffed. "What'th tho bad about thepping on one of your shitty human toyth?"

John put a hand on his shoulder. "Sollux, believe me, you do not WANT to know the pain."

"Second, the punishments previously mentioned will also be used if you refuse to do a Truth or Dare."

"Anyfin else?" Feferi asked.

"Hmm...no killing each other," Shazer added, noticing how Nepeta glared at Gamzee. "Also, no bringing up sensitive topics, we don't have that many tissues. Also, don't jack up the house. One vase broken, and you're gonna wish you were in a dream bubble."

"Awwwwwwww!" a certain spiderbitch complained.

"And that's it!"

"Seems easy enough," Jade said.

A glimmer appeared in Shazer's eyes-an evil one, at that. "Oh, but you haven't been asked the truths or gotten any dares yet." She smirked villainously and didn't say more.

* * *

**RULES:**

**1. Six truths and dares per review, or this will get too fucked up.**

**2. NO BUCKETS! Sloppy makeouts is the limit.**

**3. NO KILLING! Only strifes.**

**4. Torture everyone as much as you want! Just not too many dares that make Karkat do ridiculous things. I'm sorry, I've just seen too many.**

**Deranged Shadow Fangirl**


	2. Chapter 2: Well, THAT escalated quickly

**Thank you everyone! This will be SO FUN! MWAHAHAHA-*coughing fit***

**On a random note: T. N. M. M. Q., I was about to upload this, then I saw your review! Man, Karkat watching that video XD.**

**HA HA THIS HAS 69 VIEWS AS OF NOW XD**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck or Eridan's United States of Wwhatevver. Or Salad Fingers, for that matter.**

* * *

Everyone had gotten situated into their rooms after an hour. It took an hour because it involved fights over rooms, a few over beds, and one random shoving of Eridan into Shazer's baby brother's crib, courtesy of Sollux.

In the end, Nepeta, Equius, Terezi, and John had the toy room: Nepeta on the couch, John and Terezi on an air mattress, and Equius in a sleeping bag. (Funny thing was, it didn't seem like he could break the sleeping bag. Guess it was the magical badass author powers.)

Karkat, Rose, Tavros, and Kanaya got the oldest brother's room. For some stupid reason, he had a bunk bed. This was handy, however, since Rose got the top bunk (With a guard so she couldn't fall out!), Kanaya the bottom, Karkat an air mattress, and Tavros a sleeping bag.

Gamzee, Eridan, Jade, and Aradia had the baby brother's room/guest bedroom. The girls had the bed, the boys and air mattress.

Finally, Sollux, Dave, Feferi, and Vriska were all situated in the middle brother's room. Vriska and Sollux went horn-to-toe over the bed, Feferi watching. Dave casually laid himself on it, after a few preparations, wolf-whistling to get their attention. He had taken off his shirt, propped his head up with his hand, and his other hand gripping his hip, in the classic draw-me-like-one-of-your-French-ladies pose. The sight caused all three trolls to yelp and blush, surrendering the bed to him. So they had sleeping bags instead.

After this, they had congregated in the game room, which was basically a flat strip of floor with stairs (Tavros broke out into sweat at the sight), shelves, a closet, a couch, and a TV. Shazer was perched on the back of the couch, iPod in hand. Gamzee had sprawled out on the front of the couch, taking up the whole thing.

"Alright, guys! We have twenty-four truths and dares to get through, including a group dare, so you know that you're all involved."

"Wwhat is the group dare?"

"Oh, you'll just have to wait and see. The first dares are from T. N. M. M. Q."

**T.N.M.M.Q**

**John: every time someone asks you a question say "Not since the accident"**

**Everytroll: opinions on dancestor.**

**Karkat: watch a youtube video called Salad Fingers then tell us your thoughts on it.**

"John! Whenever somebody asks you a question, you have to answer 'Not since the accident!'"

"Okay!" John brightened up.

"Now, the trolls have to share their opinions on their dancestors. We'll start with Aradia and work our way up the hemospectrum!"

"She is very nice, although the things she says..." Aradia made a face that looked like her classic emoticon, 0_0

"He's very brave, and, um, is like to be like him somebody." Tavros's eyes shone in an ADORABLE way.

"He'th okay, ethpect (except) when he thpazzeth out. I don't know what happened to him, though. Nobody will tell me." Sollux said.

"HE NEEDS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!" You-Know-Who yelled. No, not Voldemort!

"We like to talk about ships ofur chaomeowmeow tea!" Nepeta purred.

"She does have a nice taste in fashion, although she is rather forceful about some things," Kanaya answered.

"So radical! I wish I could be like her..." Terezi sighed, and got an awkward hug from Sollux, who was sitting right next to her.

"Booooooooring!" Vriska yawned.

Equius didn't answer.

"He's pretty motherfucking chill! Although I wish I knew what he was signing," Gamzee stated.

"Doesn't he knoww smoking is bad for your afterlife?!" Eridan exclaimed.

"Glub!" Feferi frowned.

"Now that we know, Karkat has to watch Salad Fingers." She handed him the iPod and some headphones.

***ONE WEIRD VIDEO LATER***

"...The fuck?"

"Is that all?" Shazer asked.

Karkat handed her the iPod.

"Okaaaaaay...These next dares are from FireStrom8888."

"He sounds AWESOME!" Vriska exclaimed.

**FireStorm8888**

***evil laughter* oh THIS should be FUN *starts to laugh again***

**Karkat: i dare you to kiss the human windbag (John)**

**All Humans: I dare you to lick the juju *Holds out juju lollipop***

**Eridan: i dare you to wear a minnie skirt and be the sassy seadweller you are**

"Karkat?"

"What the fuck is it?!"

"You have to kiss John."

The look on his face was priceless. Same for John's. Snickers were heard from nearly everyone. Shazer bit her lip a little as she noted the crestfallen look on Nepeta's face. They'd have to talk shipping later.

"Go on, Karkles!" Terezi cackled.

When Karkat hesitated, Shazr casually pulled a LEGO out from her pocket. He quickly leaned over and gave John's cheek a butterfly kiss, then ran like hell to the nearest bedroom. Running water could be heard. John put a hand to his cheek, blushing, as everyone started cracking up.

"Settle down, everyone. The next dare is-" She stopped and stared, as a lollipop appeared in her outstretched palm. "Um, you guys have to lick this," she told the Beta kids. She set down her iPod and made a snapping motion with her fingers, causing a huge steel box thing to appear. "Go in there." They walked in with weird looks. She threw the lollipop in after them, and slammed the door shut. "Please do not be alarmed by any strange sounds," she told the very confused-looking trolls.

"Now, Eridan..." She held up a bag. "Go change into this. BUT NOT IN THE BATHROOM THAT KARKAT'S IN!"

Eridan huffed slightly and walked to another bathroom. Karkat returned shortly afterwards, looking like his normal self. "Where's the-" He was cut off by a loud shriek of laughter from the steel box, which prompted everyone to stare at it.

"Just...it's complicated, guys."

"I REFUSE TO WWEAR THIS!" Eridan yelled.

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO STEP ON A LEGO?!"

"..."

Eridan soon returned, looking very much like he wanted to kill everyone.

His hair was in pigtails with ribbons, and red-and-black arm warmers were on his arms. His shirt had been replaced by a black cutoff tank top with no straps that had his sign on them. He also wore a checkered miniskirt. Leg warmers that matched the arm warmers were on his legs, and he wore plain black shoes with laces.

It took only five seconds for everyone to start laughing. The only one not laughing was Kanaya, who was sizing up Eridan's outfit. "For once, he looks like he has an ounce of a sense of fashion in him," she said.

"Hey! My cape and scarf are fabulous!" Eridan whined.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's not fight," Shazer chastised. "Anyhoo, Eridan, you need to act like the sassy seadweller you are."

"..."

"Be the sassy gay seadweller! It is you!"

"Gay?"

"Long story. Just act incredibly sassy!"

"I hope wwhoever is making me do this gets culled by drones."

"We don't have drones."

"Then wwhat DO you have?"

Shazer looked slightly uncomfortable. "You have a minute to act incredibly sassy."

Eridan sighed, then took a deep breath.

"Wwhatevver!"

"Oh, shit." Shazer could already tell where this was going. The laughter stopped as a random burst of music played.

"I went down to the Ocean and saw Fef, 'N' she was all like 'ehhhh, glub' And I was, like, 'Wwhatevver!'"

Everyone stared at Eridan, who was dancing really weirdly.

"Then this troll comes up to me and she's all, like, 'Hey, aren't you the prince of hope?' And I'm, like, 'yeah, whatever!'"

"Has he lost it?" Aradia said.

So later I'm at the corner and Kan comes up and she's, like-" Eridan then attempted to act like he was wielding a chainsaw as chainsaw noises appeared. "-And I'm, like, 'yeah, whatever!'"

As the song went on, Eridan was being the sassy seadweller he is, with everyone staring at him. Finally, it ended, and he came to his senses, his cheeks stained purple. "Wwhat? Did the skirt ride up too high?"

"That was very..." Shazer smiled awkwardly. "Sassy!" Then it disappeared. "Please go change." Eridan scurried off. Then, nonchalantly, Shazer put her iPod down, which she had been holding up the entire time. "I recorded that."

Everyone burst into laughter again. Once it died, Shazer said, "Okay, moving on. A guest submitted this one.

**Guest**

**Tavros I dare you to confess your love for Gamzee. Then ask him to be your matesprite**

"Tavros, is there something you would like to tell Gamzee?"

As Tavros opened his mouth, a loud thump sounded from the box. Everyone turned to stare at it, then shrugged.

"Um, what are you talking about?"

Shazer walked up to him and showed him the screen. Tavros squeaked and flushed extremely brown.

"Whoa! Chocolate overload!" Terezi commented, taking a whiff of Tavros's face.

Gamzee, who had managed to drag himself into a sitting position, got off the couch and marched towards Terezi. "Don't you dare be making fun of my Tavbro," he growled.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I just commented that he was extremely brown!"

"That's his motherfucking blood color!"

Before a strife happened, a bang echoed from the box's door. "Can we come out now?" John asked, his voice slightly muffled.

"Are you guys normal?"

Three "uh-huh"'s and one "Not since the accident" rang out. Shazer "snapped" again, and the four kids tumbled out.

At that moment, Eridan had returned. "Wwhat'd I miss?"

"Go on, Tavros," Shazer cooed gently.

Tavros started tapping his fingers together. "Um, Gamzee, I-I was wondering, if, um, you'd be-"

In one swift movement, Gamzee had grabbed Tavros's chin and yanked his lips towards his. Their embrace was rather sudden, and both of them seemed slightly surprised, but, as the kiss deepened, they closed their eyes and wrapped their arms around each other. A chorus of "D'AAAAWWWWW" rang about the room.

As they broke apart, Gamzee smirked. "Of course I'll be your motherfucking matesprite!"

"I hate to break the mood, but I need to barf up rainbows, that was so fucking sweet. Moving on...The next one is from RubyHedgie. I think I've heard of her before..."

RubyHedgie

I dare everyone to be nice to Vris-sis!

"She dares everyone to be nice to Vriska. For how long, I don't know, we'll just have to wait and see."

Everyone looked slightly huffy at that, except for John.

"Anyways-" Suddenly, a girl with curly brown hair, brown eyes, black glasses and a black cat eared headband appeared out of nowhere, knocking Shazer off the couch. Everyone winced as they hit the floor, though neither seemed affected.

**livvykitty**

**OMG, DSF. YOU. YOU BEAUTIFUL PERSON, YOU! *a random human girl with curly brown hair, brown eyes, black glasses and a black cat eared headband appears, immediately hug tackling Shazer* I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU FOR EVERY REVIEW YOU'VE SENT TO MY STORIES, THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU PEOPLE! *she pulls away, wiping tears of emotion from her eyes* Seriously, I love all my fans. Love. You.**

***looks at the Homestuck cast and waves* S'up guys. You may or may not know me ehehehehe...**

**Well, better get started, huh?**

**Shazer: I'm having a bit of trouble on the Alice Killer... Who do you think makes a better third Alice, Jade or Rose?**

**Tavros: You keep being an awesome patron troll. *grins***

**John: For the sake of randomness, do a little dance.**

**Jade: How many times have you chased Jaspersprite and/or Nepeta?**

**Trolls: Listen to "That's Your Horroscope For Today" by Weird Al.**

**Bye for now! *gives Shazer another hug and absconds***

"I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU FOR EVERY REVIEW YOU'VE SENT TO MY STORIES, THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!" the girl started to scream. The Homestuck gang winced a little.

"Aw, you're welcome, livvykitty!" Shazer laughed.

Livvykitty, as she was called, pulled away, wiping tears from her eyes. "Seriously, I love all my fans. Love. You."

Then she looked at the Homestuck characters and waved. "Sup. You may or may not know me. Eheheheheheh...Bye for now!" She gave Shazer another hug and absconded.

"...The fuck?" Karkat managed.

Shazer grinned. "Oh, that was just an amazing person. Well, to answer her question, I think Rose is a better third Alice, since the whole Grimdark thing..."

"Wht abot meh? *hiccup*"

"Nothing. Anyways, Tavros, she wants you to keep being awesome."

"Gee, that's, um, really nice of her." Tavros smiled softly, slightly brown.

"And, for the sake of randomness, she dares John to do a little dance."

"Can I choose music to play?"

"Sure. What kind?"

"Not since the accident."

"John, just tell me."

"Um..." He leaned towards her and whispered something in her ear. After a couple minutes of typing, the music had started. The song? "Pon Pon Pon."

"Pon pon, wei wei wei! Pon wei pon wei pon wei wei!" John sang along as he danced the dance, eyes closed and smiling a derpy smile. Then, surprisingly, who should join in but...

"Dave?!" Jade's mouth dropped. Dave Strider, master of all thing ironic, cool, and ironically cool, had joined in John's dance. Needless to say, everyone was more than a little shocked.

"You know this?" John had opened his eyes to see Dave dancing along besides him.

"Bro forced me to dance this every day. Least I can do is be a derp with you, Egderp."

"I ship it," Nepeta whispered. "I ship it. So. Hard."

"Well, let's let them derp together...Jade!

"Huh?" The green-eyed girl looked up, an ear twitching.

"How many time have you chased Jaspers and/or Nepeta?"

"Uh..." She scratched the back of her neck, sweatdropping as her ears went flat, smiling sheepishly. "More times than I'd like to admit?"

Nepeta hissed at her.

"Alright...Now the trolls have to listen to 'That's Your Hororscope For Today!' by Weird Al! Holy shit, this song is HYSTERICAL."

***ONE WEIRD SONG LATER***

The trolls just stared blankly at the wall. John, who had stopped dancing, was snapping her fingers in front of Vriska's face. "I think we broke them."

"Don't worry, at this next set of Truth and Dares from eridanisnotonfire, they'll snap out of it."

**eridanisnotonfire**

**Oh my god, it's like a big reunion!**

**Firestorm, lk, you, oh my gosh!**

**I can see a lot of similarities, but that's probably because we both wrote ToD's. (bro, we should interconnect them, that would be SO cool!)**

**Anyways, I'm looking forward to reading your update if it's on by the time I get back! (yay camp) so...I guess I'll contribute?**

**Everyone: confess any red feelings for the others. YOU MUST I SAY.**

**Sollux: allow Eridan to teach you to swim.**

**Karkat: role play with Nepeta. Anything she wants.**

**Kanaya: has your lipstick ever turned into a chainsaw on your face? (I still can't get past that)**

**Jade: play fetch with Dave.**

**(also, you're thirteen? I couldn't tell...but I guess I just didn't think there were a lot of middle schoolers who read Homestuck! I'M NOT ALONE!)**

"Woah! You're right! However, I think it would be slightly conflicting if we interconnected them, though we could try! Anyways, she wants everyone to confess their red feelings for each other."

Twelve heads snapped away from the wall. "WWHAAAAAAAAT?!" they yelled.

"You heard me. Well, Tavros and Gamzee are off the hook, but as for the rest..."

Kanaya walked up to stand besides Rose. "Ahem."

"Oh, yes, we already know about Kanaya. And we also know about Equius, right?"

Equius started to wipe his head with a towel he found. "Please, may we not?"

"Anyways, Sollux and Aradia like each other. And we technically know about Eridan?"

Eridan glared.

"Oh, yeah, if you don't want to, then you can use one of these..." Shazer reminded, taking out a LEGO. Karkat, unsurprisingly, was the first to grab it. He then stepped on it. "That wasn't so bad!"

"Without the shoe, blockhead."

Glaring, Karkat removed his shoe, revealing a sock, and then stepped on the LEGO again.

"OH MY FUCKING-OWWWWWWW!" Karkat reeled over, grimacing. "THAT HURTS LIKE HELL!"

"This is why we don't do stepping on LEGO's, bro," Dave said. Terezi cackled, then made a weird face and scooted closer towards Dave, probably creeped out by the LEGO, though it was an extremely bright red.

"Well, I think that's enough for now..." Shazer gritted her teeth. Karkat had managed to pull himself into a sitting position, glaring daggers at everything and everyone.

"Next up, Eridan has to teach Sollux to swim."

"HELL FUCKIN' NO!" the two male trolls yelled, eyeing the LEGO.

"You mean hell fucking YES." With a snap of her fingers, the two were wearing swim trunks: Eridan yellow, and Sollux purple.

"Wwhy are wwe wwearin' each other's blood color?!" Eridan snapped.

"Because they're complimentary colors on the color wheel. I mean, look at the Lakers!"

"But you don't have a pool!" Sollux smirked, believing that he had found a loophole. No, not the fanfiction.

Of course, though, he was wrong.

"My neighbor does." And with another snap, they were both in the pool in the backyard of the house behind Shazer's.

"Well, let's leave them to their fun, shall we?" Shazer grinned. "Next, Karkat has been dared to...roleplay with Nepeta! And she can choose what kind of roleplay!"

"AC's ears purrk up at the mention of her fafurrite pastime! 'Really? With Karkitty?' she asks."

"'Yes, of course!' Shazer answers. 'And you can chose the roleplay!'"

"AC purrs happily!" Nepeta's grin was so wide, it looked like her face was about to crack.

"Wait, WHAT?!" Karkat yelled, finally putting his shoe back on and wincing gingerly as he stood.

Shazer cackled. "You, my good sir, are roleplaying with Nepeta." Before he could protest, she had grabbed them both and shoved them into the toy room. "Hey, Equius! Could you move the cabinet in front of the door?"

"Certainly." Equius picked up the cabinet as though it was paper and set it in front of the door, where loud cries of "FUCK YOU!" were easily heard.

"DON'T BREAK ANYTHING!" Shazer hollered back. "Well, until we need either of them in a dare, they're stuck in there."

"Oh, my..." Kanaya blinked.

Shazer started smiling softly and stared off into space. After a few minutes, Feferi had to clap her hands in her face to snap her out of it.

"Anyways! Jade and Dave have to play fetch!"

"Fetch?" Jade's ears wriggled.

"To ensure safety, I'm zapping you guys into the backyard." With another snap, the Witch of Space and Knight of Time were in the backyard. Everyone looked down from the windows to see Dave throw a stick and Jade chase it on all fours. When it landed on the trampoline, Jade climbed onto it eagerly and started jumping, then motioned for Dave to join her, which he obliged.

"Wait, you have a trampoline?" Aradia exclaimed, eyes going wide. "I've always wanted to go on a trampoline!"

"Maybe later. Right now, whe have more truths and dares. Kanaya?"

"Yes?"

"Has your lipstick ever turned into a chainsaw on your face."

Kanaya was silent for a few moments. "Did you know that jadebloods are fast healers?"

"I'll take that as a yes. The final set of Truths and Dares are from krosos8!"

**krosos8**

**Hello!**

**My Dares:**

**- read a fanfiction called "Homestuck High"**

**- eat 2 gallons of your favourite ice cream!**

**- drink 2 0,5 litre vodka bottles and eat 2 sopor slime pies.**

**4:Dave - delete "Sweet Bro And Hella Jeff" and your blog from the Internet!**

**5:Tavros - play Fiduspawn with Gamzee!**

**6:Sollux - when asked about something, wink at Rose!**

**Wish you good luck with the story! ;)**

**-krosos8**

"So, Gamzee and Tavros have to play Fiduspa-" She turned to them to see them already playing. "Well. Um, somebody has to eat two gallons of their favorite ice cream, but it doesn't say who. So, we'll get to that later! Sollux-Well..."

With another snap of her fingers, the mustardblood and grapeblood returned, both dripping wet. Another snap, and they were both dry and back in their clothes.

"How was it?"

"...Unsuccessful," Eridan managed.

"At least you two got some quality te together. Now! Sollux, from now one, whenever asked something, wink at Rose?"

"Why?"

"I don't know. Are you up to the challenge?"

Sollux turned to Rose and winked, causing her to blush and giggle, "Oh, stp it uoy *you *uou" Kanaya glared, obviously jealous.

"That's a yes, then. Well, somebody else has to drink 2 vodka bottles and eat two sopor slime pies. I'd assume it's Gamzee, but I'm not too sure. So, we need Dave back up here..."

Shazer snapped, and Jade and Dave were back.

"AWW! I wanna keep jumping!" Jade pouted, crossing her arms.

"Hold your horses, we'll go on it later!" Right now, Dave has been dared to delete SBAHJ from the Internet-"

"I'LL TAKE JUSTIN BIEBER."

"Are you sure?"

"YES."

"Alright..." Shazer handed him an Nano preloaded with Justin Bieber songs, and Dave sat down to listen to all the songs.

All of them.

"And here we are at the group dare! Equius, can you move the cabinet out of the way, so we can retrieve the roleplayers?"

"KK wath ROLEPLAYING?!" Sollux grinned evilly. "Now, HERE'TH thomething to teathe him about!"

"Ehehehe...Try not to make him want to kill you," Shazer warned.

After Equius had put the cabinet back in the original spot, Shazer walked up to the door and opened it. She quickly shut it, made a surprised face, and then walked over to the couch and flopped down on it, putting her face into a pillow.

"...What were they doing?" Equius growled, fists clenched.

"...HE WAS ACTUALLY ENJOYING IT..." Shazer managed.

Just then, Karkat walked out of the toy room, scowling, though not as much as before, followed by Nepeta. "Yay, we're done, now what?!" he snapped.

"We're reading Homestuck High. All of us. To the computer in the office!" Shazer then ran down the stairs, followed closely by the Homestuck gang, who were all curious to see what she was talking about.

* * *

**Heh heh heh...**

**Holy shit! This is the longest thing I've EVER written!**

**Krosos8, I apologize for not doing all th dares, but I just couldn't tell who two of them were meant for!**

**Anyways, we'll have to tune in next time to see which of the Homestuck gang still has their thinkpan functioning...**

**On another random note, I saw Wicked yesterday!**

**Deranged Shadow Fangirl**


	3. Chapter 3: Shit just got real

**MY FACE WAS PRICELESS WHEN I SAW THIS HAD OVER 10,000 WORDS. **

**DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN. You guys are maniacs for this! But I still love getting these reviews! Plus, some of them are HILARIOUS. Vantasexies...XD**

**Bluh, it was so hard to find time to write! Y'see, I had my room painted last week, so I couldn't type much. Also, I had to do my summer reading project.**

**BTW, I have started to use my Tumblr! It's canufeeldesunshine**

**Anyways, for you KatNep maniacs (THERE IS LIKE FIVE DARES HINTING AT KATNEP, AND THEY'RE ALL FROM DIFFERENT PEOPLE), I've started a fic called "S Everyone: Reunite!" Other pairings are John/Vriska, Sollux/Terezi, Gamzee/Tavros, Equius/Aradia, Kanaya/Rose, and Dave/Jade!**

**Also, could we tone down the interactive thing, please? This is the last time that I will allow someone to pop in. Sorry, I just don't want this to get deleted!**

**Also, I have decided to let livvykitty co-host! However, I decided to add her in to the next chapter. By the time I had received her review, I had already planned a lot for this chapter, and I just didn't want to have to re-write it!**

**Plus, I'll need someone to help keep it all under control in the next chapter. You'll see...**

**REVIEWS**

**Zazzles the Sandbird: What, no truths or dares? Nah, JK. I've got enough as it is!**

**Disclaimer: Homestuck and "Magic Cupcakes" do not belong to me.**

* * *

"Well!" Shazer closed the tab as they read the last sentence of Homestuck High. "How was that?"

Everyone stared at the screen, mouths agape. John managed a "Not since the accident."

She snorted. "That was my reaction the first time around." Then she picked up the iPod and whistled. "Holy shit! Over 50 truths and dares!"

This prompted the Homestuck characters to slowly turn their heads and face her. "What."

"Are you joking?" Kanaya asked.

"'Fraid not." Shazer took a sip of a cup of water she had gotten at the part in "Homestuck High" when John turned into Eridan (long story) as she skimmed the reviews. She stopped drinking as her eyes settled on one of the dares. She set down the cup and made a weird sound that sounded like she was screaming with her mouth closed (and full of water).

"Are you okay?" John asked.

Shazer swallowed and made a happy squealy sound, similar to a dog's yip. Jade's ears twitched as she turned around, looking for the "dog."

"Ehehehe...That was me, Jade. Sorry."

"You sounded just like a puppy!"

"You should hear me imitate cats-On second thought, I shouldn't in front of you."

Jade sighed.

"Anyways...Hoo boy. I'm going to have to combine a few of the dares, but don't worry! They'll still work out! Now, the first and second sets of truths and dares come from Anonymous and FireStorm8888!"

"The eight's guy..." Vriska sighed dreamily, as John glared jealously.

"Actually, it's a girl. And she says thanks!"

"Oh! Well, they're still amazing! And she's welcome!" John's glare softened.

Suddenly, a girl with a Karkat shirt and horns appeared. "Hi! I just wanted to give you these!" The girl handed Shazer Faygo and apple juice. "I just want to say you are all AWESOME!" She tackle-hugged John. "And you are so cute!" She got up. "Bye!" Then she disappeared.

**FireStorm8888**

**can you tell Vriska thanks for saying I sound awesome? and I am a girl. :) now onto the dares!**

***a girl dressed in a canser shirt and has karkat horns appears* Hi! I just wanted to give you these *hands out AJ and faygo* I just want to say you are all AMAZING! *tackle-hugs John* and you are so cute *gets up* ahem bye! *dissapears* John: say like the wind after every sentence you say**

**Dave: show us you mad DJ skills**

**everyone: jump on the trampoline**

**anonymous**

**Everyone: JUMP ON NOW SUPERSIZED TRAMPOLINE! (Except for Eridan because he's a loser)**

**Eridan: Successfully break a Nokia. If you can't, you have to walk barefoot over flaming LEGOs while Chuck Norris throws bricks at you and Justin Bieber songs are playing. If you finish, get jealous while watching everyone jump on the trampoline without you.**

"Who the fuck was that?!" Karkat exclaimed.

John pushed himself off the floor, glasse crooked. Vriska straightened them, looking slightly jealous.

"FireStorm8888. She just wanted to say hello, apparently! Anyways..."

Dave snatched the apple juice out of her hand, and walked into the toy room, slamming the door.

"What's up with him?!" Terezi asked.

"IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH LETTING A MAN CRY IRONIACLLY OVER HIS APPLE JUICE IN PEACE?!" came a yell.

"We'll just leave him in peace...Yo! Gamzee! Catch!" The juggalo looked up to see a Faygo hurtling towards him. With a happy honk, he caught it, nestling it close to his face.

"Now that we're all situated...John, you must now say 'Like the wind!' after you say a sentence."

"I do? Like the wind!"

"'Like A Boss" parody, anyone?"

"Huh?" said the trolls.

"Oh never mind...Dave has to show is his mad DJ skills. But he's occupied-"

The toy room door opened, and Dave walked up, rubbing his nose and still clutching the apple juice, which hasn't been opened yet.

"Dave!" A set of turntables appeared. "Show us your awesome DJ skills!"

"Alright." Dave put the apple juice down at the corner, set the massive headphones around his neck, and started to spin the discs.

*SOME AWESOME DJING LATER*

"I'm not even into rap, and that was pretty good!" Dave grabbed the apple juice as the turntables disappeared. "Now! This is a combo dare! FireStorm8888 wanted everyone to jump on the trampoline! Anonymous said everyone could jump except for Eridan! Eridan had to break a Nokia, otherwise he'd be forced to walk on flaming LEGO's as Justin Bieber played and Chuck Norris chased him. If he succeeded, he'd have to get jealous as everyone else jumped."

Eridan's head drooped, and he sighed dejectedly.

"However, I've decided that Eridan won't be able to jump until he broke the Nokia!" A Nokia appeared in Eridan's hand.

The hipster glanced at it. "Really? A human phone?" he scoffed.

"Throw it on the ground."

Eridan slammed it. Hard. It didn't break. Everyone stared at it.

"I wonder if Equius can break one..." Aradia mused.

"Eh. Let's go outside!" With a flash, everyone was outside in front of the trampoline. "Alright, guys! Here are the rules!" Shazer announced. "No shoving, unless playful, no making, no killing, no injuring, no powers, if you have a skirt, please try to keep it down!"

"We have shorts on underneath!" Feferi said.

"Good! Now, as Eridan tries to break the unbreakable, let's jump!"

Eridan had wandered away from the group, and nobody noticed. However, he walked back over as Shazer zipped up the little entryway for the trampoline.

"What, couldn't break i-" Shazer stopped as Eridan held up a crackling mess of what used to be a pathetic excuse for a phone.

"It wwasn't wwaterproof."

"...Get on, I guess?"

Shazer unzipped the doorway again, and Eridan got on, smirking triumphantly. Soon, everyone was jumping, laughing (except for Karkat, who just scowled), and enjoying themselves.

At last, the bunch had tired out, and, after getting off, laid out in the ground, exhausted but exhilarated.

"That was so fun! Will we go on it later in the week?" Aradia asked hopefully, smiling beautifully.

"Probably! After all, it's only day one!"

Aradia grinned even more after that.

"Now that we're all well-rested, it's time for RubyHedgie's dares!"

**RubyHedgie**

**Everyone minus Feferi: Strife Justin Beiber**

**Feferi: Your matesprit is now Justin Beiber.**

A human boy with brown hair and some color of eyes appeared, holding a microphone.

"Guys, this is Justin Bieber. Everyone has to strife him, except for Fereri. Feferi, he is now your matesprit."

Feferi blinked. "Whale, he doesn't look too bad-"

"BABY, BABY, BABY, OOOOOHHHH!"

Feferi shrieked, covering her ears. "I TAKE IT BACK! I TAKE IT BACK!"

Vriska growled, pulling out the dice. "He is going to DIE," she declared.

What happened next was so epic that it couldn't be typed here. Let's just say that Justin Bieber got his ass whooped, and leave it at that.

"...Damn..." Shazer whispered, then sent what little remained of Justin Bieber back to wherever he was beforehand.

"Did we do good?" Equius asked.

"You just saved the world!"

"Aww, it was nothing." Jade giggled.

"Moving on...IT'S HAKU LUNA KARMA!"

**Haku Luna Karma**

**n_n Eridan you don't have to wear that anymore. Of course, that's if you change into this *Holds up Eridan's god tier outift* I find this outfit much better on you. *winks and smiles happily at him***

**2. Gamzee, you should make some faygo and sopor slime cupcakes and give them out. Give Sollux the first few. *Whispers: Magic cupcakes will be repeated***

**3. Can I hug you Nepeta? I just want to hug my adorable patron troll. *(o)***

**4. Dave! *Puts on Dave glasses* What would you say if you found someone cosplaying you with a Karkat and Kankri, and that person says that Karkat and Kankri are his Vantasexies?**

"Eridan?" Shazer held up Eridan's god tier outfit. "Here ya go!" Eridan huffed as he went inside to change.

"Will he have to fucking dance AGAIN?!" Karkat exclaimed.

"No, it's just his god tier outfit. Next!" Shazer snapped, and there was suddenly a container of sopor and some Faygo. Gamzee honked happily. "Gamzee has to make cupcakes with these!"

"C'mon, Tavbro, let's make some motherfucking miracles together," Gamzee said as he started to push Tavros's wheelchair inside.

Suddenly, a girl appeared, hugged Nepeta, and then disappeared.

"Oh!" Nepeta turned slightly olive. "AC wonders who that was."

"Haku Luna Karma wanted to hug you. Now...Dave?"

The Time player looked up. "Sup."

"If you found someone cosplaying as you, with a Karkat and Kankri, and he said that Karkat and Kankri were his Vantasexies, what would you say?"

It was so silent, you could hear a pin drop.

"...Where the fuck are these people getting these from?"

"I saw one fanfiction where someone had to wear a slutty maid outfit."

"...Really?"

"I dared them to wear it."

The silence returned.

"Just saying. So! What would you say?"

"...I...uh...Guess I would say 'Just make sure they don't steal your hands' and walk off."

"WHY DO YOU GUYS KEEP ON MAKING SUCH A BIG DEAL OVER THAT?! I DO NOT STEAL HANDS! PLUS, SOLLUX HAD ONE OF GAMZEE'S CUPCAKES AT THE TIME, TOO!"

"Calm your manly titth, KK," Sollux said, rolling his eyes.

"Am I the only one who noticed that Karkat yelled three whole sentences without swearing?"

Karkat glared at Shazer when she said that.

"Anyways, we must be moving on...Next up, we have EasilyConfusedHetalian! Draw a circle, there's the Earth! Draw a circle, there's the Earth! Draw a circle, there's the Earth! Oh, I'm Hetalia!"

"What are you singing?" Feferi asked.

"Eh, nothing. Onwards!"

**EasilyConfusedHetalian**

**Okay so this is amazing you awesome person you OuO**

**So here are my dares:**

**1.) Dave has to kiss John on the lips(Just a quick little peck nothing serious)**

**2.) Rose and Jade have to dress and act like bikers and John and Dave dress and act like high school girls**

**3.) All of them have to reveal an embarrassing secret about themselves**

**4.) They all have to act like the person they hate**

**5.) Karkat has to be nice to EVERYONE**

**6.) They all go out in public and randomly start a flash mob**

**You are amazing! *Hugs* Don't let anyone tell you otherwise *Flies out with an army of turtles OwO***

"Oh, thanks!" Shazer blushed slightly as she giggled like a girly girl, prompting everyone to scoot away slightly. "You seem pretty amazing yourself! Yay, turtles! I like turtles!"

"Hey! Back to the dareth."

"Oh, right. Ahem! Dave has to give John a quick peck on the lips."

Before John could say something about being "straight," Dave had swooped in to his face and brushed his lips against his. John gasped and stuttered, his face going red with embarrassment.

"Someone thinking about their sexuality?" Shazer teased.

"I-have-to-go-to-the-bathroom! Like the wind!" John got out before he scurried inside.

At that moment, Gamzee and Tavros emerged. "Where's John motherfucking running off to?" Gamzee asked.

"Long story. Well, we'll have to hold off our second dare until he returns...Alright! Everyone must reveal an embarrassing secret about themselves!"

"Do wwe HAWE to?!" Eridan whines.

"Death by LEGO, anyone?"

"NOPE!" came the reply.

"There's other punishments, y'know."

"No Justin Bieber!"

"Sheesh. Who wants to go first?"

Crickets sounded. In broad daylight.

"Karkat?"

"WHY THE FUCK IS IT ME?!"

"Because I said so. Now, you only have to reveal your blood color if you want to, you can say anything else."

"Um...I have never seen 'In Which A Troll-'"

"HUMAN EQUIVALENT."

"Fine. I've never seen 'Troll Princess Bride.'"

He was met with fourteen blank "what-the-ever-glubbing-FUCK-is-that" looks and one "when-I-am-through-with-you-you-will-wish-you-went -through-what-Westley-went-through" look.

"I just wasn't sure if it was a movie I would like-"

"Please shut the fuck up, and keep your ass on the ground."

Everyone stared at Shazer, who was radiating fury, even though she kept on smiling. "Karkat, I have a copy of the book, and two copies of the movie. Also, there is an old movie theater that I know of playing it. Before our time together is over, you WILL have seen the human version of it. You WILL."

"Please don't go GrimDark on us," Nepeta said, and snuggled closer to Equius.

"I won't. Oh, I won't. Next! Aradia?"

"I do not like Troll Indiana Jones. I think the movies are rather silly."

Everyone stared at her. Shazer snorted, "Everyone's saying shit about movies. Tavros?"

"I...uh..." Tavros tapped his fingers together, blushing. "I accidentally broke a doorway trying to get through it."

"And the whole time, I thought Sweatbag over here broke it," Karkat muttered.

"Oh, before I forget, Karkat, one of your dares is to be nice to EVERYONE."

"WHAT?!"

"And until I say so. If not, there's more LEGO's where the first one came from..."

Karkat paled, and kept his mouth quiet.

"Sollux?"

"I thtill think that Karkat took my handth thometimeth." Karkat opened his mouth, then shut it.

"Nepeta?"

The catgirl's face flushed olive. "AC isn't sure if she wants to do this..."

"Wait, you have a dare later that's kinda similar to this. You can use that instead." Nepeta smiled, instantly relieved.

"Kanaya?"

"I was forced to help Eridan with one of his fanfictions, which he published online..."

"KAN!"

"Do shut up."

"Hey hey hey! No fighting! Remember? Anyways, Terezi?"

The junior lawyer looked up from where she was nestling her face into a random scalemate from who-knows-where. "The legislator looks up at her chocolately-haired friend. 'Yes?' she inquires."

"The friend with the chocolate hair, which is another term for a brunette, says, 'You must reveal one embarrassing secret about yourself."

Terezi bit her lip in thought. "I actually like the combination of red and blue together a little more than I like red."

"You mean purple?"

"No, Eridan, I mean like Sollux's glasses."

"What about you, Vriska?" Shazer asked.

"I've always harbored the smallest crush on Troll Captain Hook..." Vriska sighed dreamily as Tavros stares at her in utter disbelief.

"Who'th Troll Captain Hook?" Sollux asked.

"Captain Hook is the villain in Peter Pan. Which means Troll Captain Hook is the villain of Pupa Pan."

"I thought Thpiderbitch didn't LIKE Pupa Pan!"

"..." Vriska turned blue.

"Let's move on from that interesting and slightly disturbing tidbit...Equius?"

Equius wiped his face with a towel. "Oh, my...Well..."

Just then, John stepped out. "I think something's burning in the kitchen. Like the wind!"

"Oh! The cupcakes!" Gamzee sprang up and rushed inside, pushing John aside.

John returned to the clusterfuck of trolls and humans. "What kind of cupcakes? Like the wind!"

"Sopor and Faygo. Sollux gets the first ones."

"FUCK NO AND FUCK YOU!" Sollux flipped Shazer off.

"Fuck yes and go fuck yourself." She returned the offending gesture.

"What doeth that even mean?"

"Do any of you trolls know how humans reproduce?" They shook their heads. "What about you humans?" Rose was the only one who didn't shake her head. Then again, she WAS drunk. "Well, when Gamzee gets out, I'll have to enlighten you all on the subject. Equius, you still need to reveal your secret."

"I...uh...I happen to be fond of "My Little Hoofbeast: Friendship Is Not An Emotion."

"Alright...We'll skip Gamzee for now...So, Eridan?"

Eridan had returned earlier in his god tier outfit. It would have been mentioned, but nobody felt like giving a shit about it.

"He likes Troll Harry Potter," Feferi said.

"FEF!" Eridan yelled.

"ZOMG! HARRY POTTER IS SO AWESOME! WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER?!" Shazer had covered her mouth with her hands out of pure excitement, muffling her squeals of glee.

"Er...Troll Severus Snape?"

"Oh, I think he's one of the BEST! I mean, he isn't exactly my favorite, but he's pretty badass!"

"Could we return to the dare?" Vriska sighed.

"Oh, sure! Feferi?"

"Whale..." She tapped her fingers together, and sniffled. "I accidentally culled a cuttlefish when I was younger..." She looked positively miserable, and didn't object to Eridan giving her a hug. Shazer had a weird look on her face, the one that was only recognized by other shippers, which was the "UPS-and-FedEx-combined" face. In short, it was her shipping face.

"Gamzee?"

The troll looked up. "Eh?"

"You have to tell us one of your darkest secrets."

He paused for a moment. "I used to be scared of clowns as a grub. Then I got out of it."

"Most people find them a little creepy. But I think they're cool! Now for the humans..."

"I-used-to-enjoy-baking-cakes! Like the wind!" John got out in one breath. (Pun COMPLETELY intended.)

"My glasses broke during class once," Dave said.

"I thought I had lost my glasses one day, and then I found them on my head!" Jade giggled.

Rose hiccuped. "I read Twlite! *Twilit *Tilight *Twilight"

"You mean that series about that emotionless skank who can't choose a boyfriend?" Karkat scowled, then remembered that he was supposed to be nice.

"Karkat, you've hit the nail on the head. You can talk shit about Twilight all you want."

"YES!"

"Didn't expect you to be so happy...Well, Jade and Rose have to dress and act like bikers, while John and Dave have to dress and act like...high school girls."

Dave shrugged. "Why not." John looked absolutely petrified.

"BUT I'M STRAIGHT! LIKE THE WIND!"

"John, it'd be okay if you were gay. Plus, not all cross-dressers are gay."

"How do you know? Like the wind!"

"I don't." Then she snapped her fingers.

Jade and Rose were suddenly decked out in leather jackets, ripped jeans, bandanas, and other biker gears. John and Dave had skinny jeans, a cutoff shirt like Eridan's from earlier in their text color, and bows in their hair.

"...What the fuck?" Dave said.

"Be glad you guys aren't wearing makeup. So Rose and Jade, act like bikers."

Rose hiccuped. "Wht?"

Jade punched Karkat, who was sitting next to her, in the arm. Hard.

"OW!" Karkat rolled over, gripping his injured limb.

"...Why did you punch him?" Equius asked.

"Well, aren't bikers supposed to punch people?"

"She's right," Shazer clarified. "John and Dave?"

"Like, O, like, M, like, G, like! Like, he, like, totes, like, cheat, like, ted, like, on, like, her, like!" Dave squealed, while managing to keep his poker face.

"This is what your girls of older sweeps sound like?" Equius asked, looking slightly nervous.

"Eh, not all of them, though some of them ARE annoying, whiny, girly little bitches like Dave just demonstrated. John still needs to do his imitation..."

"I would, but I don't have a phone to use-" One appeared in John's hand. "Oh. Well...Like the wind!" He started tapping away on the buttons furiously, then, after a few minutes, yelled, "OH NO SHE DIDANT! LIKE THE WIND!"

"And then there are the sassy girls like those, whom I think are awesome." Shazer snapped her fingers again, bringing the humans to normal. "Hey, Gamzee! What about those cupcakes?"

Gamzee pulled the plate out of his hair. "Who wants one?"

"...I am NOT eating thothe," Sollux declared.

"Justin Bieber or LEGO's?"

"HELL NO."

"I'm going to try one myself, y'know. Do you want to be bested by a GIRL that is YOUNGER than you, and is also from a species of lesser intelligence?!" The humans glared slightly at that. "Hey, you gotta know how to play the cards," she whispered at them, and their hard gazes softened.

"Of courthe not!" Sollux grabbed a cupcake and bit into it. Shazer also grabbed one as well, and then took a tiny bite. "ERMERGERDZ! It tastes like vanilla and chocolate combined! With yummy green frosting!" The "frosting," in fact, was sopor slime.

"Do you like it, sis?"

"It's divine!" She giggled.

Sollux had managed to eat his, and then turned to Karkat and said, "KK, your fathe has my handth on it again."

This caused everyone to burst out laughing.

Once it had died down, Shazer said, "Okay, now everyone has to act like the person they hate."

"..."

"What?!"

"Um, none of us know how to, um, act like the Condescension..." Tavros muttered.

"Hmm...Me neither. Anyways, we have to do a flashmob!"

"Why?" Vriska complained, and Shazer silently thank the Lord. She wasn't sure if she could explain a flashmob.

"Eh, because it's random. And I like random!" she chirped.

"Alright. What song?" Aradia asked.

"Umm...You guys know the YMCA?"

"It's fun to stay at the HONK HONK HONK HONK!" Gamzee honked his horn.

"Even I know that, and I've lived on an island my whole life!" Jade exclaimed.

Vriska yawned, "BOOOORIIIING!"

"Hey, it's the easiest one I can think of! Now, all we need is a good public place. Hmm...AHA! The mall!"

Before anyone could protest, a SNAP! echoed, and the Homestuck co. found themselves in Deerbrook mall.

Dave looked around. "I used to go here with Bro!"

Shazer chuckled. "Yeah. Did I forget to mention that I kinda live in Houston? ANYHOO..." She pulled out her iPod, did some tapping, and the all-too familiar music started booming.

"It's fun to stay at the YYYYYMCA! Like the wind!" John sang derpily.

Most passerby's joined them, grinning madly. Miraculously, nobody seemed to recognize the humans or trolls, which would've resulted strangely.

When the song ended, another SNAP! sent the group back.

"Oh, Kanaya? What was that fanfiction of Eridan's that you mentioned earlier?"

"I believe it was called 'Troll My Immortal,' wasn't it?"

Shazer, whose back was turned towards everyone, stood silently for a few minutes.

"Shazer?" Feferi asked.

She turned back towards everyone, looking like she had gone GrimDark. "NOW. NOW YOU DIE," she hissed.

Eridan looked terrified. "Wwhat'd I do?"

"DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF AN ATROCITY THAT WAS?! IT WAS A PIECE OF SHIT! IT HAD SO MANY FUCKING MISTAKES-"

"Wwhat are you talking about? It wwas actually very popular!"

"FOR BEING A PIECE OF TRASH!"

"I do not see what you are so worked up about. 'Troll My Immortal' was about Troll Snape's love for Troll Lily, and-"

"...What?" Shazer's fury leaked out like air from a balloon.

"It wwas!"

"But the human 'My Immortal'...Gah, I'd have to show you sometimes. Anyways, we should move on to eridanisnotonfire!"

**eridanisnotonfire**

**I can't breathe right now. I just can't.**

**Hey. Hey Sollux. *poke poke***

**kiss Eridan ON THE LIPS. And you can't skip the dare. That's part of the dare.**

**HEUHEUHEU**

**Equius: is it weird that I think you're rather attractive?**

**Eridan: what did the Author whisper to you?**

**Karkat: bro. the dance is coming up. you need a date. WH4T NOW? *hint hint***

"Wow, was it really that funny? Heh. Anyways...Sollux! You must kiss Eridan. ON THE LIPS."

There was a sharp intake of breath from everyone, and a few nervous giggles as Sollux turned bright yellow. "WHAT?!"

"Hey, you heard me! And now getting out of it, either! In fact, you can't even wash your mouth!"

"Do you thhip uth?"

"Eh, I've read some fics where you guys are matesprites, but you guys are also great kismesises! Now, kiss before I kick you in the bulge, therefore rendering you unable to have grubs!"

"...You thuck." Then Sollux leaned towards Eridan and kissed him on the lips. They held it for a second longer than necessary, then they broke apart, both of them blushing and wiping their lips.

"Still denying? Seriously? Equius!"

The Heir of Void said, "Yes?"

"Is it weird that eridanisnotonfire finds you rather attractive?"

"Uh...no?"

"Alright...Oh, goody, she wants to know what I whispered to Eridan."

"Is she an Eridan fan?" Feferi asked.

"Yup. I don't find him too bad myself. Especially since Harry Potter-"

"Hey!" Eridan elbowed her.

"Eh? Oh, yes! Well, I whispered to him that I don't ship Sollux with Feferi, unless as moirails or something. I would reveal more, but my ships are not to be revealed to this crew. Some of them are slightly...odd."

"What kind of odd?" Aradia asked.

"Odd as in you guys will be like 'Oh-my-gog-you-ship-him-and-him-together-what-the- fuck.' Moving on...Karkat, figuratively, there is a dance coming up, and you need a date. WHAT NOW?" She proceeded to do the arm flip with Terezi.

Karkat didn't take the hint. "I don't dance!"

"I say you can!"

"Not a chance, ooooh no!"

"If I can do this, then you can do that!"

"But I don't dance!"

"HIT IT OUTTA THE PARK!"

"...There's a human version of 'High School Musical?!'" Karkat said in disbelief.

"No shit, Sherlock. By the way, you're not half bad of a singer. Maybe we could all try a karaoke thing..."

"FUCK NO!" was the instant response.

"What do you people have against singing?! Sheesh. Next up, Moon-chan!"

**Moon-chan**

**I LUV WICKED.**

**Nepeta: TELL US WUT YOUR OTP IS. WE ALL NEED TO KNOW**

**Sollux: 2loppy makeout2 wiith Eriidan. Becau2e even tho II don't shiip iit, that would be hilarious.**

**Karkles: SING KARKALICIOUS. NOW...**

**Terezi: GO LICK DAVE'S FACE.**

**Vriska: STOP BEING A B******

"WICKED FTW!"

"What?"

"It's nothing. Nepeta, you must reveal your OTP."

"Um..." She turned bright green. "I can't choose just one! There's too many ships to pawssibly have as an OTP!"

"Funny, you've mentioned your OTP a few times to me, and I'm mighty curious about what it is," Karkat said, raising an eyebrow.

"Hee hee hee..." She sighed, tapping her fingers together.

Shazer gave her a quick hug. "Hey, I don't feel like admitting my OTP either," she said. Also because we have the same one, she thought, but didn't say out loud.

"Oh, really? Then what ith it?" Sollux said.

"Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase," Shazer lied easily. Well, it was her Percy Jackson OTP, making it half-true. "Now, befur we get sidetracked, Eridan and Pawllux MUST have sloppy makeouts."

"..." Eridan and Sollux both paled.

"Aradia? May you please use your telekinesis for this one thing?"

Suddenly, Sollux and Eridan had both been shoved into the game room closet, and Equius once again moved the cabinet in front of it. Aradia laughed, and gave Equius a high five, causing Equius to blush and reach for his towel.

"Heh heh heh...Karkat has to sing Karkalicious!"

"The FUCK?!"

"Y'know...Karkalicious, definition: Makes the shippers go crazy!"

"Um...What the fuck?"

"Oh, for the love of-" Shazer started messing with her iPod. "Let me find the lyrics-NOPE, I'm changing that!" She did some screwing around. "Alright!" She handed it to Karkat. "You just sing these lyrics. You go looking through my pictures or my notes, and I will wipe your memory...after whooping your ass."

Karkat gulped, and then started singing, but didn't make it through the first rapping part. "IT'S GOING TOO FUCKING FAST!"

"Hey, hey, hey! Calm it." She gently eased it out of his hand. "Terezi, lick Dave's face."

The blind troll's own face lit up, and before the coolkid could object, he had been licked so hard that everyone was surprised that his freckles didn't come off.

"Welp. Vriska, you have been dared to-what the fuck? It's all beeped out-OH. You have to stop being a bitch."

"But it's part of my natuuuurrrre!" Vriska whined.

"Yeah, I know. Now it's time for pendaly's dares!"

**pendaly**

**Okay, this is really freaking awesome, just so you know, please continue this for a long time because it is so awesome. Dares and truths and stuff:**

**Everyone: Open DeviantArt and search each person present then browse the art**

**Karkat: Draw a lovely shipping chart involving everyone in the room.**

**Vriska: spend the next ten minutes looking through a kaleidoscope.**

**Terezi: lick everyone in the room and decided who tastes best.**

**Sollux: Read at least one page from Dr. Seuss's Fox in Socks aloud.**

**Again, it is really cool that you're doing this and keep up the awesome writing!**

"Alright! To DeviantArt! And thanks for the compliments, Pendaly!" Shazer giggled. Then she raced back down the stairs, and had already booted up the computer by the time everyone got there.

"So, we're gonna look up you guys on here! Now, I should tell you, some of the art is fucking awesome, but I've seen weird pictures..."

And so they commenced, laughing at some fanart, cooing over others, making either compliments or snarky comments, until...

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING?!" Karkat yelled, pointing at a rather erotic picture of Eridan and Sollux.

"...Oh my gods." Shazer immediantly closed the window, stared at the screen for a few moments, then turned around, walked away, and locked herself in the nearest bathroom.

"3, 2, 1..." Dave whispered.

"OH MY FUCKING-MY EYES! MY EYES! I THINK I'VE LOST MY VIRGINITY, AND I'M NOT EVEN IN HIGH SCHOOL! WHAT THE HELL?!"

"And there goes her freakout. Just like I predicted," Dave announced.

"How did you know..." Nepeta trailed off.

"Do you know how many goddamn times I've waken up to find a puppet in my bed?"

"I don't want to know."

"You don't."

Shazer then emerged, wearing a strange face, as if she was in desperate need of some brain and eye bleach. "Eh..."

"You k?" Rose asked, seeming to be slightly more sober.

"Yeah...I'll try to forget it...Anyways, Karkat has to draw a shipping chart involving everyone in this room."

Karkat threw his hands in the air. "IT'S TOO FUCKING HARD! Plus, with you thrown in the mix, it'll be tricky, because I don't know exactly how you would fare with everyone!"

"He's right. And technically, with you trolls not giving a shit about gender..." A random diagram appeared with all the trolls on it. Shazer grabbed one of the four crayons that was on the diagram's little shelf thingy, the red one. The other crayons were pink, black, and gray.

"When you throw in that factor, that automatically makes you all pansexual, therefore demolishing the barriers that automatically exist between men and women about this topic. Also, you have four types of romance, which means that we multiple it by four, and get very many mixed results, not to mention the added factor of interests, personalities, things in common, already established/previous relationships, how they interact with others, and so on and so forth. And then, when you throw in the humans, and how we define love..."

As Shazer spoke, her hands flew furiously over the board, drawing various lines between people. A smudge here, a rub there, and she finally stepped back, seeming satisfied. The crayons were worn down to nubs.

The diagram was shit.

Lines were everywhere, and you could barely tell who was connected by just one line, though a few were recognizable. Crayon was somehow on Shazer's hand, though she didn't seem to notice.

Everyone stared at the board. "Nepeta, is this what your shipping wall looks like?" Feferi asked.

"No, mine's a lot more organized!" Nepeta frowned.

Shazer huffed. "Well, excuse me for trying to add in all the elements that I deemed necessary! Plus, I couldn't just put my ships!"

"Is that a red line between Karkat and Nepeta?" Aradia said, studying the board.

"WHAT?!"

"Hey! It could actually work out, y'know! Anyways, we really should be moving on..." Shazer handed Vriska a kaleidoscope. "Look through this for ten minutes. Equius, we should probably fetch Sollux and Eridan..."

Everyone stayed in the foyer as the petite human girl and blueblooded troll bounded up the stairs, back to the game room. Equius grunted as he shoved the cabinet. The door creaked as Shazer opened it, and it was shortly followed by an, "...Holy cow. I guess a closet IS a room, right?"

"WWHAT THE-"

"GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!"

Shazer raced down the stairs, laughing. Eridan and Sollux followed, scowling, and Equius after them.

"Well, guys, Terezi gets to do what she does best: lick things!"

Terezi perked up immediantly.

"Wait, what were Sollux and Eridan doing?!" Dave demanded.

Shazer giggled. "Terezi, commence with the licking!" she commanded, (not-so-) easily sidestepping what Dave asked. Before Dave could protest, Terezi had already licked his face, nearly knocking off his sunglasses.

"Tasty candy red!" she cackled.

"Fucking HELL, Terezi! Could you at least WARN people before licking?!"

"But where's the fun in that?!" Terezi frowned, then gave John a slurp before Dave could answer. John squeaked, then grinned.

"Your tongue is like a cat's! Like the wind!" he giggled. Terezi grinned, then moved around the room, licking everyone with surprised squeals and laughs from the victims. Except for Gamzee, who growled at his kismesis licking him, and Karkat, who shierked, "WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK-" nearly an octave higher.

"And finally..." Terezi licked Shazer's cheek, leaving a bit of saliva. Shazer gasped, then giggled, not seeming bothered by the fact that she had been licked by a freaking alien.

"So, who tasted the best?" she asked.

Terezi paused, tapping her chin with her finger. "I can't decide which human tasted the best! They were various degrees of flavor for each of you! John's was a little spicy, Rose's was sweet, Jade's was sorta sour, Dave's was kinda bitter, and your was kinda salty..."

"Well, for us, Terezi, we have different types of blood. AB, O, A, and more! So it would make sense that our blood would taste different."

"Do you organize your society that way?" Equius asked.

"Eugh, no. Most people don't even know what their blood type is! I certainly do NOT know mine. We used to organize it by race-skin color, for us."

"What?"

Shazer gestured to Rose and Dave, who were pale-skinned, then Jade and John, who had dark skin. "That's what I mean. I'll find pictures online later. We also used to group by religion, eye color, hair color, gender, things like that. But now it's pretty much by how rich you are, or how much talent you have. I find it disgusting. As a Libra, I believe in equality for all!"

"You humanth are weird," Sollux commented.

"Pfft, like we don't find blood colors other than red and horns weird. Oh, yes, you need to read a page of this book!" Shazer handed the mustardblood a book titled 'Fox in Socks.'

Sollux opened it without looking at the title. "Really? A human wriggler book? Thith thould be ea-" He opened to the first page. "-thy..."

"Oh, just read!"

"Um...'Foth, sockth, both, Knoth?!' What the fuck?!"

The brunette snatched it from him. "Alright! Yay! It's time for HiddenSserpent'ss interessting review!"

**HiddenSserpent**

**Thiss iss interessting!**

**Dave: Keep being a Sstrider becausse Sstriderss are awessome and if you are a Sstrider I will sspare you from my execution of homesstuck charecterss...**

**Everyone but Dave: Bow down to the Sstrider boy and obey this ultimte coolkidss every order!**

**By the way, other Homesstuck characterss...**

**I'm coming for you. ;)-**

"Dave, he says to keep being a Strider, because Strider's are awesome, and if you are one, he will spare you. Everyone else has to bow down and obey you orders...Also, for the rest of you guys, he's coming for you...One, two, Freddy's coming for you...Three, four-"

"WAIT WHAT?!" Karkat yelled.

"Oh, don't fret, Freddy doesn't exist-"

"WE HAVE TO WHAT?!"

"Oh...That's what you flipped your shit over..." She sweatdropped.

"You guys all bow down before the Strider king!" Dave commanded forcefully, swirling his cape a little. The Homestuck gang got down to their knees, though some (read: Karkat) took longer (about five minutes longer) than the others.

"You all must acknowledge that I am awesome!" the Strider boy added.

"You are awesome," everyone droned, with a certain someone adding, "Like the wind!" at the end of their proclamation.

"Eheheheh...It's T.N.M.M.Q again! What does that stand for, anyways? I don't mean to be rude, I'm just curious!"

**T.N.M.M.Q**

**Hahaha hilarious. Anyway I gots s'mo dares**

**John: make a commercial for Pocket Trolls! The tiny living trolls that can fit in your pocket!**

**Dave: no AJ for you, you get OJ**

**Aradia and Tavros: I cast a sassy spell on you both. Y'all now the sassiest MOFOs for the rest of the chapter.**

"I know! This guys are HYSTERICAL! John!"

"Yes? Like the wind!"

"Create a commercial for Pocket Trolls: The tiny trolls that can fit in your pocket!"

"Okay, the reviewer is definitely on something," Eridan declared.

"Eh, they're all like that. You guys are lucky that I'm not reviewing this. I once dared someone to build a couch out of gummy bears, and then eat it."

"Howw the fuck..."

"So! John, are you ready?!"

"Not since the accident. Like the wind!"

"Just do it."

Suddenly, everyone was in a random recording studio, with John on the green tarp thingamadoodle. He started talking immediantly.

"Hey, kids! You guys bored of the usual pocket-sized stuff?! Well, guess what? We have an all-new product that's hitting the shelves right now! Introducing the latest hit for kids-" John pulled a miniature Karkat from nowhere. "POCKET TROLLS! The only you that can fit in your pocket! Look at this!" He shoved it in his pocket. "Isn't that COOL! Each set comes with THREE different trolls! That's right! THREE! Varying from Aradia to Feferi, collect all twelve trolls! Each set sold separately. We are not responsible for injuries from telekinesis, wounds from mini lances, being tossed around by psionics, getting cussed out, clawed, chainsawed in half, hanged, fed to a bigass spider, crushed bones, beaten to death, hit by a harpoon, or speared by a trident. And those are the side effects, too! Like the wind!"

John stopped, a large smile on his face.

The trolls stared at him. Dave was slowly applauding, Rose (still drunk) was sipping a martini, and Shazer and Jade were both in hysterics.

"OH MY FUCKING GODS OF ETERNAL EGYPT! THAT WAS-THAT WAS JUST SO-" Shazer burst into laughter again. After a few more minutes of silence, the trolls finally burst into laughter. Rose decided to join in, hiccuping every now and then.

John walked back over, grinning madly. "Was it good? Like the wind!"

"BEST THING EVER!" Jade cheered.

"YES!"

"NO!"

"Hey, it was motherfucking hysterical, Karbro!"

Before a full-blown argument broke out, Shazer snapped again, sending them all back. She then looked at her iPod.

"Holy shit, it's 3 in the afternoon! As this rate...Nah, there's enough time. Dave, no AJ for you! You get OJ!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Dave somehow summoned a LEGO, removed his shoe, and stepped on it.

"...Damn..." Vriska whispered, holding the kaleidoscope from earlier in her hand.

Dave put his shoe back on, grimacing.

"Well, that was a SPECTACULAR Darth Vader impression. Anyways...Aradia and Tavros had a sassy spell put on them, and they are now the sassiest motherfuckers around?"

"Bitch, what you say?" Aradia demanded.

"...Oh my fucking gods. NEXT REVIEW! It's from Guest!"

**Guest**

**Eridan: realize your last name is the name of a mythological glorified bucket (I don't know how stirct your rules are or how much they apply)**

**(A/N: I would like to say that I meant that buckets could be loosely mentioned, but no filling them, and no sex. The other rules are rather stringent, I'm afraid, though I will make exceptions in special cases.)**

"Um..." Shazer handed the iPod to Eridan, who read it. He turned the darkest shade of purple and, yelping, scurried into the hallway bathroom.

"Eheheheh...It's better off if you guys didn't know what it said...Oh, yay! Kariza Elquen's list is next!"

**Kariza Elquen**

***Kariza bursts in***

**SHAZER! THIS IS THE BEST IDEA EVER! CAN I HAVE YOUR BRAIN?!**

**No?**

**Okay. Anyway. I f33l obliged to do the same thing as livvykitty and thank you. You were the furrst purrson to review my fanfic and you k33p reading it. So thanks a billion.**

**H33h33, now fur the dares.**

**1.) Rose and Kanaya n33d some alone time, I think.**

**2.) Dave n33ds to try Faygo.**

**3.) Gamz33 has style his hair (or try to).**

**4.) Jade, John, and Dave have to walk around for an hour without their glasses.**

**5.) Equius n33ds to admit to Nepeta how much she means to him.**

**6.) And you, Shazer, n33d to pass this message along to Nepeta:**

**Nepeta, you are not my patron troll, but you are definitely my favorite. You are purrfect, never furget that. And I admire you so much because I know it hurts sometimes to f33l like your love isn't reciprocated, but I believe that you are strong! Don't lose your cuteness! Love you!**

**Oookay. That was it. Peace! *ollies outy***

"Aww, you're welcome, sweetheart! I really enjoy reading it!"

"Reading what?" Equius asked.

"Nooooothiiiiing...Rose and Kanaya need some alone tiiiiiiiiiime..."

Shazer had barely said 'alone' when Kanaya started dragging Rose off to the closet in the game room.

"Well...Dave needs to try Faygo?"

Gamzee, honking happily, immediately pulled a bottle out of his hair. Dave hesitantly took it, opened it, and took a sip. "...It's actually pretty good."

"I knew you'd like my fizzy miracles!"

"Um, of course he fucking would, bro," Tavros assured his matesprit.

"D'aw. Now, Gamzee has to style-or at least try to-style his haaaaaiiiiirrrrrr~"

Shazer whipped out a brush and handed it to Gamzee, who started yanking on one of his tangled locks. After a few minutes of tugging, his husktop flew out.

"..." Nobody said anything. Finally, Sollux broke the silence.

"HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK DID YOU GET YOUR HUTHKTOP IN YOUR HAIR?!" he shouted.

"Uh, I don't know. A miracle, I guess?"

Shazer calmly reached out her hand for the brush. "I have a feeling you guys don't want to see what else is in there?"

"HELL NO! (Like the wind!)" everyone shouted in reply.

"Dammit, I'm always the odd person out. Now Jade and John and Dave have to walk around for an hour without their glasses."

Jade and John, who were standing next to a table, both removed their glasses, and then sat down on the floor.

"Uh, why are you guys sitting?"

"Not since the accident. Like the wind!"

"Answer the question."

"Our eyesight is so poor that we'd just walk into everything and everyone. Like the wind!"

"Seriously?" Shazer picked up John's glasses, and put them on, removing her own. "Dude, how do you even SEE in these things?! I mean, I can make out things better, but it's still blurry! I mean, Sollux over there is blurred and-"

"Guuuurrrrrl, who you calling Sollux?!" Aradia demanded, crossing her arms.

"Oh. Sorry!" Then she tried Jade's "Hmm. Everything is all blurred again, especially Equius-"

"I'm Feferi!"

"Excuse me for having shitty eyesight!"

In the meantime, John had put on Shazer's glasses. "HOLY SHIT! LIKE THE WIND!"

"What is it?"

"I tried on your glasses, and now I have a headache! Like the wind!" He snatched them off and handed them to the otaku.

She sighed, "Why does everyone get a fucking headache from these."

"Because your eyesight is terrible?" Vriska suggested.

"Eh, probably. Dave?"

Dave was still wearing his signature shades.

"Take them off, sweetie."

"Don't act like you're my mom."

As the two glared at each other, Terezi suddenly leaped up and snatched Dave's shades off. The blonde squinted in surprise before realizing his red eyes had been revealed. "TEREZI!" He shouted, covering his eyes with his hands.

"Dave, why won't you show everyone your delicious red eyes?" The Seer of Mind complained, frowning.

"Because it's freaky here!"

"C'mon, Dave, I think red eyes are cool! And so does John! Right?" Jade proclaimed.

"Not since the accident. Like the wind!"

Jade facepalmed. "John..."

"Yeah, I think they're cool! Plus, Rose is probably too intoxicated to care. Like the wind!"

"Rose is upstairs with Kanaya," Feferi pointed out.

"Oh. Right. Like the wind!"

Dave had slowly removed his hands, though his eyes were still squeezed tight. "You guys really mean it?"

"Uh-huh! (Like the wind!)" came the reply.

"Even Shazer?"

"No shit, Sherlock."

Oh-so-slowly, Dave opened his eyes, revealing their bright cherry red.

"That's cool, bro!" Gamzee complimented him.

"Um, thanks?"

"So you guys are all like this for an hour. Now, Equius?"

"Yes?" Shazer showed him the screen of her iPod, not risking it in his hands. He frowned, then walked up to Nepeta and gave her a gentle hug.

"Equihiss?"

"I apologize STRONGLY if I had not shown the proper affection that moirails usually show each other. I hope that my lack of affection has not hurt you in any way, shape, or form. I wish that you could forgive me, but you probably do not-"

Equius was cut off by Nepeta wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Aw! Of course I'd furgive you! You're my meowrail, after all!"

"Yes, we are, as you put it, 'meowrails.'" He gently returned her hug.

Shazer made a weird sound of happiness. "Yes...Yes...Yes...Meowrails furever..."

"Uh, you okay, bitch?" Tavros asked.

"Hm? Oh, yes! Next! Nepeta, come read this."

Nepeta trotted over, and Shazer handed her in the iPod. She started to read it, and when she looked up, she was smiling, though her eyes were leaking green. "Th-Thank you..." she whispered.

"Nepeta, are you okay?" Karkat asked.

"You stupid hoe! Of course she ain't okay! You blind or somethin'?!" Aradia scolded him.

Shazer muttered something that sounded supsciously like, "What you need is a sassy, gay, Aradia and Tavros!"

"What didya say?!" Aradia demanded.

"Eh? Oh, nothing. Next, here's another round of embarrassment, with another combo dare! We're combining a dare from livvykitty and GENERIC NAME!"

l**ivvykitty**

***the same girl appears, but now that she isn't some hyperactive blur, you can see that she's a good eight inches taller than Shazer* Uh, hi. Sorry I was so hyper last time. I had sugar and yeah... *blushes in slight embarrassment***

**Dares and crap!**

**Vriska: This iron is not in the fire. *hands her Russia's iron pipe* I suggest you throw it in.**

**John: For the sake of boredom, I have made you half cat. *snaps fingers***

**Dave: *hands a laser pointer and catnip* You know what to do. *gestures to John***

**Tavros: *hugs* I just, wanted to say that you're awesome and I love being a Taurus!**

**Karkat: Kiss Nepeta. On the mouth so there's no cheating.**

**Shazer: I wanted to ask if I could, uh, um, maybe, possibly, cohost or assist or something with the show? *fidgets* Sorry, I've never asked and uh, I just get flustered and shy sometimes... I'm usually really cheerful and like to play pranks, but I also, um, like to help out, so...**

**Well, I'm done!**

**GENERIC NAME**

**Nepeta: Kiss Karkat.**

**Equius: Say Aradia is "Motherfucking hot".**

**Gamzee: Sing a folk song.**

"To answer your question, you're joining us tomorrow! I would have you come in today, but I promised myself that I will make it through one day alone. Vriska?" An iron pipe appeared in Shazer's hand, and a fire started in the fireplace in the living room. "This iron is not in the fire. Fix that."

Vriska snatched the pipe from her hand, ran up to the fireplace, and threw the pipe in, laughing. "All the irons are in the fire. AAAAAAAALL of them!"

"Okay...John, you are now half-cat." John suddenly sprouted black ears, a black tail, and whiskers.

"WAIT WHAT THE FUCK?! LIKE THE WIND!"

Jade growled, her ears twitching.

"Dave?" As the Strider King looked up, Shazer shoved some catnip and a laser pointer in his hands. "Go wild, my friend. Go wild."

Grinning, Dave pointed the laser at the wall. Surprisingly, though, instead of John who jumped at it...

"...What the fuck, Karkat?!"

Karkat laid on the floor, panting, his eyes going into cartoon spirals. "The laser...must destroy...the laser..."

"Uh...The fuck?" Tavros managed.

"That was PRICELESS!" Shazer grinned.

Suddenly, the girl from last chapter appeared, hugged Tabros, and then disappeared.

"Livvykitty wants you to keep being an awesome patron troll!"

"Uh, that's sweet of the bitch."

Gamzee flared his nostrils jealously.

"Heh heh heh..." Shazer sweatdropped. "Now, before we do our combo dare, we have two dares from GENERIC NAME!"

"Why is it in all caps? Like the wind!"

"NO FOURTH-WALL BREAKING! Anyways, Equius must say that Aradia is 'motherfucking hot!'"

Equius reached for a towel.

"Say it."

"Uh...Aradia is...mother...mother...moth-"

"JUST SAY IT."

"Motherfucking...hot?" He wiped off his brow. Aradia had nothing to say.

"Yay! His first swear word! Ah, they grow up so fast..." Shazer wiped a tear away.

"What's the second dare?" Feferi asked.

"It's-Hey, let's go get Kanaya and Rose, they've been gone long enough."

As Shazer bounded up the stairs, the others shrugged and followed her.

"Hey, guys! C'mon out!" Shazer yanked the door open, and everyone was shocked by the scene they found.

Kanaya's shirt was off, and her skirt was unzipped. Rose's god tier pajama thingies were gone, revealing her underwear. Fortunately, it was still on, though Kanaya seemed like she was about to remove her bra.

"Uh...What are you doing here?"

Rose looked up, blinking, then grinned sloppily. "Oh! Hiy guyz! *Hi"

"Eheheheh...Get your clothes back on." Shazer slammed the door. RoseMary came out a few minutes later, hair tangled and clothes hurriedly put back on.

"We gave you guys about a fucking hour or so, and you decide..." The brunette shook her head. "Ugh. You know what? Never mind. Now Gamzee has to sing a folk song."

"She'd be comin' 'round the mountain when she comes! She'd be comin' 'round the mountain when she comes! She'd be comin' 'round the mountain, comin' 'round the mountain, comin' 'round the mountain when she comes!"

"...Alright? And now, for the combo dare...Nepeta and Karkat have to kiss!"

Nepeta squeaked, and blushed bright green. Karkat bolted upright. "WHAT?!"

"You heard me. And it's kissing on the LIPS. You are not allowed to get out of this one. No brushing your teeth, no rinsing your mouth, nothing."

Karkat and Nepeta stared at each other. Feferi elbowed Eridan. "Sing it!" she hissed.

"Oh, right! Ahem!" He cleared his throat. "Yes, you wwant her! Look at her, you knoww you do! She might wwant you too, and there's only one wway to ask her!"

Shazer, John, Dave, Feferi, and Jade joined in. "It don't take a wword, not a single wword, go on and kiss the girl! (Like the wind!)"

Suddenly, everyone remembered it.

"SHA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA, MY OH MY-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Karkat was standing on his feet, glaring menacingly. Without another word, he walked up to Nepeta, grabbed her by her shirt, and kissed her smack DAB on the lips. Nepeta's face turned even more olive, but she started to kiss him back. They stated like that for five seconds. Then Karkat broke it apart and ran to the bathroom.

"KARKAT, YOU BETTER NOT-"

"I'M TRYING TO HIDE MY FUCKING BLUSH, WOMAN!"

"...Oh. Right." Nepeta sat down on the ground, smiling weakly.

"You okay? Terezi asked her.

"..." She just smiled.

"And now, our final set of dares is from HomestuckAddict88!"

**HomestuckAddict88**

**Hello! 0u0**

**Thank you for making this! :D**

**My Dares:**

**Dave: Kiss the person you like**

**Kanaya: Dance with Rose**

**Karkat: Take Nepeta to go see any movie she wants**

**Terezi: make Sollux give you a piggyback ride**

**Eridan: ask one of the humans to be your morail**

**Well i can't come up with anything else so...**

**That's it! 0u0 Bye for now**

"D'aw, you're welcome, sweetie!" Shazer giggled. "Dave, you have to kiss the person you liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike~"

"What."

"You heard me!"

**(A/N: I ship Dave with four different people, and it was really hard for me to choose. So I chose John, since you guys seem to like it...)**

"I already did."

"What do you...OH." Shazer turned to John, smirking. John blushed bright red again. Then Karkat walked out, his face back to its original gray.

"Why is Egbert blushing?!"

"Bevause Dave just revealed that he liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes him~"

"Oh, really?"

"Uh-huh! Also, you have to take Nepeta to see any movie she wants."

Nepeta perked up. "The Purrincess Bride!"

Karkat sighed. "Sure."

"Great!" Shazer handed him an $20 bill. "Here you go! Have fun, guys!" And with a snap, they disappeared. Shazer walked over to the couch, grabbed a pillow off of it, and screamed into it. Everyone stared at her.

"OMFG YYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSS!"

"Why are you flipping your thit?"

"THEY'RE GOING ON A DAAAAAAATE!" Then Shazer lifted her head from the pillow and tossed it onto the couch. "You guys saw nothing...Kanaya must dance with Rose!" With a SNAP!, Kanaya was in a jaded strapless evening gown, and Rose was in a black version. A waltz started to play, and Kanaya yanked Rose's hand, forcing her to dance with her.

"D'aw! Sollux?" A second SNAP! resulted in Sollux and Terezi both in cop uniforms. "Be the cop car! It is you!"

"...What!"

Cackling, Terezi leapt onto his back. "Do the thing!"

Sollux shrugged, and ran around the room, going, "WEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOO!"

In short, he was imitating the TARDIS.

Eventually, though, the TARDIS-troll had finally worn out, and collapsed on the floor.

"Hey!" Terezi complained, poking him with her staff.

"Tho...Fucking...TIRED..." Sollux gasped.

"While we let him rest, Eridan has to ask one of the humans to be his moirail!"

Jade gave Shazer a Look. "You think he HASN'T already?"

"We all said no, of course. Like the wind!"

Eridan drooped, huddling into his cape a little. Then Shazer walked over to him and gave him a hug.

"Honestly, I really would be your moirail, but I already have one! I'm really sorry, but I know you will find one some day!"

Eridan smiled at her. "Thanks."

"You're welcome!"

The waltz had stopped, Kanaya and Rose back in normal clothes, and Sollux had gotten to his feet, seeming more than pleased to no longer be in his police uniform.

"Well, guys, that's it for today, but we can expect more tomorrow!"

"Wwhat do you mean?"

"It's 5 in the afternoon! It's dinnertime! And I'm ordering pizza! Karkat and Neoeta will be fine, I gave then enough money for a place to stop for dinner. If not, then there will be enough pizza."

The humans smiled at the mention of pizza. The trolls, however, frowned. "What's pizza?" Kanaya asked.

"Oh, you guys will LOVE it. Pizza Hut, anyone?"

***THE LINEBREAK MADE OF TEEN TITANS***

A few minutes after the pizza arrived, Karkat and Nepeta returned. They only used the money to buy tickets, which resulted in $10 left. Shazer seemed slightly disappointed that they didn't get popcorn. They ended up all sitting around a bigass table. They talked, laughed, commented on Shazer's unusual love of garlic sticks ("Hey! I just like garlic, okay?! Sheesh.") , and generally had a good time.

Shazer and the other humans ended up going around the house, explaining human objects, and even pulled some of the food from the pantry to show the trolls. By the time everything was explained, it was 10:30, and all were exhausted.

Everyone went to their respective rooms (After Shazer snapped them into pajamas), and soon all were passed out.

Except for Shazer.

As usual, she stayed up late, going onto Tumblr and FanFiction, roleplaying, writing, emailing, the works. She finally retired around 12:45.

At 1 in the morning, there was a crash.

Somehow, Shazer was the only one to wake up, albeit being a heavy sleeper. Of course, she had just fallen asleep. Blearily, she opened one eye, then, pulling a leopard-print bathrobe over a pajama tank top and boxer shorts, she crept out of her room, listening to the voices.

"Oh, my! We really should clean up this mess and fix the window. Situations like this can be very triggering to people-"

"Kanny, could you please shut up?!"

"OOOWWWWW, THAT HUUURRTH!"

"Sorry, babe!"

"WHOSE HOUSE IS THIS ANYWAYS?! OOPS, AM I BEING TOO LOUD, PURRLOZ?!"

"Well, this will not end well."

"Oh my cod! I wonder how many things I can prawn are in here..."

"Guys, we really should concentrate on finding our descendants..."

"うーん、私は所有者が誰であるか疑問に思う、と彼らはバケットを埋めるために好きなら。 (Hmm, I wonder who the owner is, and if they like to fill buckets.)"

"Shit, doll, don't say things like that!"

"Oh, my! This house is certainly nice! I wonder what it would be like to live here!"

Shazer had managed to sneak her way down the stairs, to where the voices were centered: the dining room. She waited a few seconds, then leapt out from the stairway, screaming.

The scream died in her throat as she saw twelve white eyes staring at her. All she managed was an, "...Holy shit."

**A/N:**

**I was planning on that happening later, but when I saw Demonofthesilverstars' review, I was like, "NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT!"**

**AND A FUCKING POST CAME UP ON MY DASH WITH THE LINKS FOR ALL THE TEEN TITANS EPISODES. MY CHILDHOOD HAS RETURNED TO ME VIA TUMBLR.**

**I kid you not, this was me as a kid: "Aw! Wobin wants to mawwy Stawfiwe!"**

**Little shipper me. Eh heh heh...**

**Deranged Shadow Fangirl**


End file.
